Hail the Emperor

We thought, surely, that life has taken a strange turn.  Politics has UN-evolved us beyond what any of us could imagine.  And yet some seem to be tuned into a different station or living in a parallel universe, asking "What?  What's wrong with THAT?".   That, being imagines posted of the President in a style akin only to how China or North Korea enshrines their leaders. Garish large images appearing at Art venues and Public buildings; history rewritten to explain that an attack, a physical attack by an unruly mob, injuring police and resulting in deaths was actually just a 'tourist even'; A leader that sues the Gov he leads and 'negotiates' tax immunity for he and his family, plus a 1.176 Billion dollar Fund that his AG will appoint commissioners to decide how the funds should be doled out to 'those who saw their lives upended by the previous administration weaponized Justice Dept.; a President twice impeached and found guilty of illegal business practices and sexual assault; a war started to protect us from a nation who he'd previously rendered incapable of attacking us or constructing nukes.....  Where does this even all stop?

And to celebrate the "King's" birthday, coinciding with the 250th birthday of the USA in July, a UFC arena is being constructed on White House grounds, the display of which can't NOT conjure images of Roman Emperors overseeing Gladiator matches at the coliseum.  Trump has even retweeted images of himself as Jesus Christ healing the sick.

Really?   You support this?  This is just Trump being Trump?  You think this is cute behavior for the Leader of the Free World? It makes you smile?  It doesn't matter 'cuz he's doing so many GOOD things?  Well then we have an entirely different idea of what leadership should be like.  

And you?  You frighten me.  Was that your intent?  Well if it was, you are what is wrong with this country.  You are leading us into chaos and societal decay.  You and the people you support must be stopped.

 

 

 

I have children....

 Once upon a time I used to have a follower who now NEVER comments.  Not just on my posts.  She doesn't seem to respond to anyone's posts.  Probly wise since I understand anything written in the 'cloud' lives forever.

I think about my oldest child often, though it's been many years since we've spoken.  I think she thinks I know why we don't speak, but honestly I'm not so sure anymore.  I just know I miss her.  Think about her daily.  Want hugs again.  Find it so sad to be wondering 'Have I had my last hug?'.

Daily someone older and someone younger than me that I have known dies.  I'm already almost 10 years older than my dad ever got to be and 20 more than my mother did, either.  I've been in touch with my own mortality for a long time.  I'm an aging diabetic with high blood pressure.  What are my chances, right?  

I'm still here though.  For now.

Wake up and cut the crap!

 So...  Paul Krugman says if you own a Tesla yur making s statement: Yeah I'm rich, but I'm woke".  I got problems with this on several levels.

First, I own a Tesla...  I'm not rich;  I just really, REALLY didn't want my car replacement to be running fossil fuels... I mean, since I had a choice.  Tesla is known to be far ahead of other E-Car manufactures at the time of purchase, has a well developed charger network and goes for the most miles.  Yeah, it stretched us to buy it but it was unquestionably the best choice at the time.

Yes, the CEO daily defines 'Asshole'.  Yes be bought Twitter, over paying and destroying Twitter and pulling Tesla down over 75% in share value.  But hey, it was known to be over priced.  The cars are too, but they are still fun to drive and that zero emissions thing?  That alone is worth it.

But this WOKE thing... how did we ever get to the point that having ones eyes open is a BAD thing?  We could use more people choosing human-kind and not walking around 'unwoke' because the Rs have made it a bad word somehow.

Wake up, people.  There is some waking needed for god's sake.  Do we care about each other?  Do we take care of our brothers and sisters regardless of their beliefs, color or religion?  Folks you all NEED someone to shake you wake.  Pay attention...  there is EVERYTHING at stake. If you aren't waking up then you're asleep; someone is selling you a load of crap. Wake the fuck UP!

Climb up here and tell me: Change...Is change REALLY good?

Climate change is real and from what scientists are NOW saying, it's accelerating faster than originally projected.  The surest proof has to be the rapid melting of the Northern Polar Ice Shelf.  Other signs can be detected in changing global temp changes, most of them warmer...MUCH warmer.   Lakes, streams and rivers are shrinking and/or disappearing all together.  BIG problems ahead for the planet.

In my little corner of the world, the Metolius is slowing down; the cubic feet/second outflow at the springs just 1/2 mile from our cabin is noticeably slower.  Bad for the fish, bad for us.  For the fish the slower, more shallow water warms fast, stressing them....  cooking their eggs and they'll be fewer to hatch.

That's in store for us on Planet Earth?  It doesn't look good.  Nay sayers delayed our reacting to curb emissions that might have slowed the process, but we may have been doomed anyway.  How can a planet that's existed for millions of years crater in such a short period of habitation by mankind?  I think that mankind is the guilty party and will pay the price.  Who will inherit the earth?  I won't be here to witness that. 

Wrong thinking....Write thinking

I think most of us...too many of us... can only see our own lives as authentic.  Because the 'camera' follows us, ours is the only life we can see as real and really happening.  We don't pause long enough to consider all that happens in other peoples lives while we aren't watching them... when they aren't in the "ME Show".

We forget that our mothers, fathers, siblings, cousins, waiters, tellers, used car sellers all have a camera following them.  When we aren't present to witness it they are having thoughts and experiences every bit as real as our own.  When we see a person older, or younger, than ourselves can we instantly be aware of all the experiences that brought them to this moment and will carry them on?  Okay it's maybe mot possible to hold ALL of their experiences in our head but what are we able to do for ourselves? For OUR experiences?  We can't hold all that in our head either, but the fact that they are our experiences allows us to get ourselves in ways we don't often get others.

Though we can't get all someones experiences in our brains and have them make us 'see' them as we know ourselves, I believe it's possible to change how we regard others if we pause and just acknowledge that the person we are talking to, seeing a video of, remembering... they have a host of things that shaped and are still shaping them.  

Oh, I know, dear reader, that you KNOW all this;  but you probably don't really.  Not unless you can stop and think about it, being present 'in the moment'.  

Its a worthy meditation. 

I've got Skin in the Game (and Hair)

My skin grows drier and thiner each passing week and year.  Scaly like an alligator now, but hey, I don't mind.  And if I did, what difference would that make?

Besides, it'd be a perfect complement to my thinning, almost nonexistent, hair.  One can stand in front of me and see the back of my scalp without squinting,   though I try not to look.

But it is what it is.  I'm older than my parents were allowed to be so I'll not complain.  Wait, did this sound like a complaint?  Well, it's not.  Giving words to something gives us power over the thing.  At least, that's what I'M going with.

And besides, it's all ending so much better that the final season of GoT, yes?

Summer time 2019

It's summer starting now, pretty much everywhere in the USA.  No where is it MORE summer than on the Metolius River right this minute.  It was 80 or so, blue sky... Why even the NY Times choose to recognize BEND, OR and Camp Sherman as great places to spend some time...  They said 36 hours...  I say at least 36 YEARS.

The River flows, we hope, forever.  It bursts out of the ground 1/4 mile up stream from where I sit and write this, right now.  Lots of water, ankle and knee deep for a mile before it begins to 'develop character', deepening and broadening.

There fish like this river because the water is cold, varying only a few degrees along it's journey to Lake Billy Chinook and eventually merging in to the Dechutes, then eventually the Columbia and the Pacific Ocean.  

Lotta pines around, it's dry...High desert.  Lotta wild life and a few tourists mixing with locals.  It's a thing to experience, to be sure.  But tread lightly, please.  This entire region survives at the whim of lightening sparked, camper sparked and cigarette sparked forest fires.  And the DO come, every year...each more ferocious than the last.

The one thing that all of us can count on is that nothing can be counted on to last for every.  So enjoy every minute and acknowledge what you are insignifigant in the scope of the cosmos, but very significant in someone's heart.  That's good enough, right?  It'll have to be.

You Showed Me Love

Now I can see you
And you showed me, showed me love of the deepest kind
And I will never find a love like you
You showed me love of the deepest kind
No, no, no
Nobody, there's nobody like you

Now I see you
Now I see, hmm
You showed me love and I thank you
And I need you and I miss you

You showed me love
You showed me love
Of the deepest kind, and I will never find a love
A love like you

You showed me, you showed me love
You showed me love
You showed me love
You showed me, yeah
You showed me love
You showed me love
You showed me love of the deepest kind

I will never find a love
You showed me love
You showed me love

I will never find a love like you
Love
You showed me love
You showed me, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Of the deepest kind, the best kind of love

I'm so sorry; now I see you
Oh, God
And it's too late, it's too late
Oh, God

Hello? Can you hear me? Are you awake?

Been thinking a lot about what constitutes consciousness...what does it mean to be a living thing?  How are some living things different from other living things and on what scale does that matter?  These are private thoughts, that I'm going to write down, so I don't forget them.  Maybe it's best you don't look.

In West-World an AI creation is asked: 'Are you real?' and she answers: 'Well, if you can't tell, does it really matter?'  Good answer, right?  Our ability to receive real from not real may well play a role in the correct answer to the question of what is reality, what is consciousness.

I'll accept that there may be levels of consciousness, if we want to get all scientific about it.  An unconscious human being is still at some level conscious, as it may well be self aware in a dream-like state, an 'un-dead' state.  So, is self awareness a prerequisite?  I'm not sure.  Maybe it is.

Well, then can a plant be self aware as it turns to the warmth and light of the sun?  Perhaps...perhaps at some level, right?  I mean is the ability to grow a form of consciousness?  What about fungi and their ability to convey information to OTHER plants and trees? I think maybe that would fit in MY description of consciousness.

I guess that's really all I'm talking about...MY description of what constitutes a form of consciousness that  I can accept.  I'm the guy who truly wishes truth to be binary..off/on, 1/0, True/False.

I'm gonna have to think about this more and get back to you (me).

Testy

The cosmos is a big place.  Time is even smaller.   Why do we fuss over things of no consequence?  Even the most amazing invention ain’t shit. Why do we excuse things that set a new tone we are gonna have to live with for like forever

Well Shut My Mouth WIDE Open

Well...someone just told me (surreptitiously) that "if someone keeps not understanding, dump them. If you can’t, talk to them a lot less. Or not at all. Simple."

Huh. Well, maybe they didn't tell ME, but they wrote it as a post; I read it and it burned a whole in me.

Could I have said or am I saying things so grossly misunderstood that I'm indicating a complete misunderstanding of what I've heard (read)?  I TRY to listen.  I try to listen very carefully.   But I guess I've caught myself planning my next thought as someone is explaining theirs.  That's not really listening I guess, is it?

Or...maybe I got it wrong.  Wait..what were you saying, again?

REELIN' IN THE YEARS

Some know I've enjoyed Steely Dan for many years.  Not because I understand all they say, but because they clearly have had a talent for understanding what a popular message through tune can mean thru the generations.

Just the other day, Walter Becker, co-Founder, guitarist and vocalist for this band passed away at 67...   an age on which I have a firm  grasp.  All the music they've made will stay with me, though there will never REALLY be any more of it.  And so... this one perhaps is the most popular (in songs played) of their work.  I list it here, purely for fun and to perturb at least one whom I know not to be a fan.   I think the band won't mind.

REELIN' IN THE YEARS

Your everlasting summer 
You can see it fading fast
So you grab a piece of something
That you think is gonna last
You wouldn't know a diamond
If you held it in your hand
The things you think are precious
I can't understand

CHORUS:
Are you reelin' in the years
Stowin' away the time
Are you gatherin' up the tears
Have you had enough of mine

You been tellin' me you're a genius
Since you were seventeen
In all the time I've known you
I still don't know what you mean
The weekend at the college
Didn't turn out like you planned
The things that pass for knowledge
I can't understand

CHORUS

I spend a lot of money
And I spent a lot of time
The trip we made in Hollywood
Is etched upon my mind
After all the things we've done and seen
You find another man
The things you think are useless
I can't understand 

Authentic Me; Authentic You

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to live an ‘authentic life’. Books have been written, classes taught,authority claimed... and yet it’s elusive, unless of course you speak the language of authenticity. Yeah that’s right… authentic speak;it's a 'thing'. It's language widely spoken and globally misunderstood. Oh sure, we nod our heads and pretend the speaker is so wise…’I mean listen to what he/she just said? Didn’t that just blow your mind?’

Well I’m not getting it. Why? Because I like the on/off;the black/white; the right/wrong of life. It’s because of that I think that I just don’t get authentic speak. I like my life in scientific terms... there are truths we know, truths we haven’t uncovered. answers too; even truths we haven’t noticed as unknown yet. But there IS an answer to everything under the sun. Not knowing what the answer (or even the question) isn’t proof that there isn’t one correct answer for any given universe.

Don’t get me wrong; I LIKE the ‘touchy/feely’ world. But I recognize it’s not actually authentic. Hell it isn’t even real. It does feel good tho.

So. How to live authentically in a world that is 80%+ theory and 10%- validated? Step by step. Inch by inch. Day by day. Do what feels good, avoid what feels wrong. Endeavor not to harm others and ask for forgiveness unashamedly if/when you do. And smile. Smile every chance you get. You are the lucky one.

Giant Step II

"Remember the feeling as a child
When you woke up and morning smiled
It's time its time, its time you felt like that again"


Spring.  Time for renewal.  Just set your load down for a second and breath deeply out and in a few times.
There.  That didn't hurt, right?

The Earth renews itself each new Spring, doesn't it?  Why shouldn't we?  Oh, we should...  we should, definitely.

Whether we go to our physical happy place or close our eyes and go there in our mind, there IS a pace for renewal.  Even the most unfortunate of us has a moment (or many) that they can reflect on that made them feel "I'm glad to be alive!".  

Go. Go there.  Go there now.  Go there often.  For who's to stop you?

I know, I know. It's serious....

"Girlfriend in a coma, I know
I know - it's serious
Girlfriend in a coma, I know
I know - it's really serious"

The Smith's.  Yeah I never really listened to 'em.  A friend did.  And just now I found this clip in my ringtones.   How did I get there?  Search me.  No really, go ahead and search me.  Not a body cavity tho, mind ya.  Just a pat down.

Thoughts on "Getting it"

So it's taken a while to get there but I'm finally ready to admit that I'm the only one who "gets it".

And what does that mean, "Getting it"?  Pretty much means everything.  It means, even if you and I agree it's only be cause you agree with me that you MIGHT be getting it, temporarily.  But you don't really get it, cuz only I do.

Now I don't mean that in a harsh way; somethings are just a matter of fact.  Like you're probly thinking right now: "Wrong.  He doesn't get it" when actually, I kinda DO..  But you see I KNOW you're mistaken because I have too many personal examples of this that don't leave room from me to be mistaken.

Don't think I'm full of myself or conceited; it's not like that.  I'm fully prepared to admit what a curse it is to be the only one who "gets it".  It's lonely, but I'm learning to live with it; the first step to mental health is to admit what you know about yourself as true.  Wait...is that right?

You and I will look at each other now and then, with a knowing glance or a nod, now that you know what I know.  Just smile back.  We'll get as close to understanding each other as we can and not worry that we can't really understand each other... not in the same space and time.  Cuz I "get it" and you don't.

/B Stumbling' into the Heart of Saturday Night /b

High School. Fifteen to 17 years old. Before the internet, Marin County. What's important? Well grades, kinda...but not all that much. Cuz, I mean, you know everything you need to know, even though maybe you haven't met the one you need to meet.

The "Beat" thing is fading, already in the rear view mirror; the 'Love Generation' is just up ahead. You haven't maybe discovered the Fillmore and the Avalon Ballroom yet, but soon you will.

Cars are important, even if maybe you don't have one yet. But you KNOW someone who'll let you ride in theirs, a cool one..."I got shot gun...!".

So now it's Saturday Night. You'll start on 4th Street, doing the whole post-American Graffiti thing. For me, anyway, this brings it all back. Saturday night.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7UHd7NVegE

http://www.azlyrics.com/…/lookingfortheheartofsaturdaynight…

"Who's in control here?" Thoughts triggered by Film: Ex Machina

"The World exists for the pleasure and experimentation of Mankind and ALL manners of behavior may be perpetrated upon everything that is not human by the superior force."  

Is this correct?  (And am I doing a Movie Review now?)

What exactly may give that narrative strength should be challenged;  from where such a directive comes should be examined:

Is it… Reason, Philosophy?

Is it… Religion?

Reason is interesting as a justification for human ultimate superiority over all other objects' rights…  Is it that humans are capable of observably complex thought, and other forms of existence have less observable complex thought; one might suppose, this forms the best information we have for presupposing superiority.  There are MAJOR implications for this line of thinking as it applies to artificial forms of intelligence and, if we allow ourselves to go there, leakage into how we relate to other life forms including pets, communal living wild animals right on ‘down the chain’ of observable consciousness.  Perhaps the power extends even over humans some of us may deem of ‘lower intelligence’.

Religion is, a go-to reference for how to live a moral life for much of mankind.  Yet it offers a less compelling basis for determining life superiority than Reason does.  Ask yourself from whence did we derive Religion?  From God? Are there really such a thing as 'God-given rights'?  What sort of God would bestow such rights?  More questions than answers are down this path and a thinking being is no longer willing (at lest not REAL thinkers) of accepting all on Faith.

In Ex Machina man creates what is the first of what we can call ‘artificial intelligence’, the ability to have adaptive cogitative thought.  Of course, we have any observations of lower life forms having THIS sort of intellect, for even viruses and bacteria adapt and all living tissue seems to observably evolve, adapting to change in conditions.

But in watching the film one can see many idea triggers… About what constitutes life, intelligence, a soul, manhood, womanhood.

The young male star is thrust into thought experiments to determine just one point:  Does this new ‘thing’, this machine, think and feel adaptively, without new written coding?

What of a 'creator' who mistreats a 'machine'?  Is it his to do with as he will and without consequence?

When a geeky boy who hasn’t had many romantic encounters finds himself having feelings for the machine in this tale, and the machine APPEARS to have feelings for him, what is REALLY going on?  Does putting on hair and clothing make one a woman?  Does the appearance of feelings make a machine a 'human'?  Is there a distinction between any thinking (living) thing and mankind as we know it give cause for one to have power over the other?  When does life begin?  What rights do we have over the potential for life, in whatever form that comes?  Who REALLY is superior and why?  Or is it even important to make the distinction?

Oh, Ex Machina is a mind fucker, if it can lead us down this path and then turn us loose to answer these questions however we will.

Why is this thing like this and not like another?

Ever think about how we look, physically, influences who we become?  How we lead our lives?  The mates we select (or that selected us)?  The trouble we got in as a child?  As an adult? 

I don't even know where I'm going with this thought... It just sort of popped into my mind as I watched people come and go from the bench at the Camp Sherman Store, sometimes know as the center of the universe.  And the thought occurred as I saw people walk by across the river right now as I watched from the deck...  I thought "who in the crowd of maybe 15 people going by would I even talk to?  Which is interesting to me..and why?

I don't see how I or anyone else can have a strong answer to those questions from a casual gaze, but it's one of a 1,000 like questions I ask my wife all the time... and usually get the same response:  "Oh, I don't know...".  Well I don't know either but I find my thoughts drifting to such a time waster just to see where it takes me.  I have the time so what the heck.

We have absolutely NO real control over how we look.  Or do we?  I mean, we can CHANGE how we look, some.  We can gain or lose weight, change hair color, even surgically alter our selves and I presume we'd get a different result, so to speak... a different US.

A book (maybe many) has been written regarding how changing our perception of ourselves, our self-view, changes how we behave.  It's an old observation and I'm revisiting it as my mind drifts.

..on Doing Adult Things

Really?  I'm going to be a grandfather?  How'd that happen?

Ok, maybe don't answer that.  But I'd have to say once you get that news it's hard to think of much else.  Daytime, night time and any in-between-time.

I'm going to have a grand-daughter (or at least 80% chance...[Update 90%+ Chance])... That's big, huh?

I remember when my own 1st child was born.  I remember when the Dr. said "You have a baby girl" and how that made me feel.  There are not words to describe the joy.

Three years later, when a different Dr. said "You have a baby boy" I imagine I felt as if my life was surely beyond twice blessed.

Watching children grow and do 'adult things'...  well, that is a nice thing to be sure.

And if I didn't find myself at this point in MY life (our lives) I could still feel just as happy, but different.  Every change leaves a mark, indelible.

But I'm happy for my kids.  Both have brought me such joy, individually and collectively, as they do 'adult things';  each on their own journey, intersecting with each other's lives and mind when it happens.

Special note to a Mother-to-Be:  "Thank you for loving my son."